10 Questions from a Dead Girl with a Madison Clark
An uncannily accurate and ever-clever Madison Clark parodier talks possible threats, apocalypse beauty secrets and gives BGB some life advice in this 10 Questions From a Dead Girl
Twitter’s Madison Clark @MadisonClarkTWD is a woman with a lot on her plate–and I don’t mean a heaping helping of freshly caught eel. She has three kids, a husband, an injured woman, a torturer and his golden years and a conniving captain to keep her eye on. Oh, and dead things trying to eat her.
Somehow, she still finds time to take to Twitter and live tweet during every Fear the Walking Dead episode. I don’t know how she even has the Internet out there on the ocean, but I’m sure as Hell glad she does because I look forward to her hilarious 140-character musings every week. I recently subjected this award-winning parodier to 10 Questions From a Dead Girl, and boy are you guys in for a treat.
- I’ve been waiting to ask you this a Hell of a long time, Madison. When you and Tobias were at the school and you gathered all the food, where did it go? Did you leave it behind? You had to kill Principal Obama to get it!
Well, we were in shock. At least I was. We were colleagues and friends for a long time. I mean, I hadn’t adjusted to the bashing someone’s head in for your next meal mentality yet. I don’t quite know if I’m there now. We haven’t gone hungry so far. In hindsight, it wasn’t that great of a loss for me because most of our stuff didn’t make it to the boat anyway. But I bet you all the money I have left that Tobias went back for that food. I really hope he’s survived. I kinda love that big nerd. Probably more than the audience. Maybe we’ll see him again one day… I hope so.
- Who are you most concerned about at this point–Alicia, Nick or Chris?
Ironically, I’m most worried about how Alicia will adapt. Nick has always had his issues, and obviously Chris is grieving, but Alicia doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. Don’t get me wrong, she’s got plenty of gumption and ain’t afraid to give her Mama some lip, but she’s always been near perfect, and obsessively so. Alicia’s a bit naive to the ways of the world. She still wants to believe people are basically good and I’m afraid that’s just not true anymore. As much as I wanna protect Alicia, she’s going to have to learn how to protect herself. My kids just couldn’t be more polar opposite, could they?
- My high school guidance counselor’s best advice when I was an alive girl was to take shop class every semester. Would you guidance counsel this dead girl now? What advice do you have for me?
Well honey, I’m afraid you’re past the point of my advice doing you any good, being just a decaying torso and all. Pre-apocalypse, I always told the kids to set goals and work hard to achieve them. Then, fail or succeed, keep repeating that cycle til you get where you wanna be. Don’t ever give up. You’ve done pretty well for yourself despite your obvious limitations, including a lack of appendages. Just keep plugging away at that writing and maybe consider a motorized wheelchair? I dunno. You’ve kind of stumped me here.
- Answer this Walking Dead Universe SAT Question: Madison is to Fear The Walking Dead as WHO is to The Walking Dead?
Well, I know most people think I’m the Rick Grimes but I, Madison, am to Fear The Walking Dead as Michonne is to The Walking Dead. I hope when I find my signature weapon it turns out to be as badass as a katana and not just a sad broken bottle of wine. I also hope none of my loved ones die but unfortunately I live in Robert Kirkman’s world, which probably means I’m royally screwed for the sake of character development. Nobody ever complained about Michonne being stone-faced but apparently it bothers the hell outta people I am. Oh well. *shrugs*
- You’re out on the boat in all of that wind and salty, humid sea air. How do you keep your hair looking so nice all the time?
Apocalypse tip: mayonnaise has a remarkably long shelf life, especially if it’s in those little foil packets. You can use it as a substitute for both eggs and oil when cooking, and it makes a fabulous deep conditioner. Oddly enough, Strand had quite a stockpile on the Abigail. Plus my hair is naturally wavy. I just twist it up right out of the shower and take it down when it’s dry and voila! Volume for days!
- Who would win in a fight: you or Daniel? Why?
I would beat Daniel’s ass. *laughs* He may know his torture and weapons but he’s got twenty years on me. Have you seen these guns? *flexes her arms* It’s an unwritten law that if you’re a middle-aged woman in L.A. you have to do Pilates. You’ve seen me whoop Nick’s ass. If I raged out on Salazar, he wouldn’t know what hit him.
- Me and you walk into a bar. Or I crawl in with you, whatever. When everyone stops screaming, what drink am I buying you?
I’m mostly a wine girl, as you probably know, but if you’re buying it’s tequila shots and Patrón margaritas! Although I’m pretty sure all the screaming would be followed by a mass exodus and then we could drink whatever we want for free. *laughs*
- Explain your choice of Monopoly pieces to me. I always go for the thimble cause it can protect your finger from needles.
My husband was always the shoe, even when he was growing up. I guess I picked the top hat because it was also a garment. Maybe because even though we were opposites we still went together perfectly. Although, I found it pretty interesting none of us picked the dog, especially considering it was the title of the episode and thematic throughout. If the dog always wins and none of us were the dog, what does that mean?
- If your group had to face off against one of the villains from The Walking Dead, which one would you prefer it be and why?
Well the easiest villain to beat on The Walking Dead is hands down Dawn Lerner. She was dumb enough to believe help was still coming and delusional enough to not even realize she was a villain. I don’t even understand why any of the people at Grady hospital yielded to her in the first place. I would’ve shot her right between those crazy bug eyes just like Daryl did, yet probably without any provocation just to get her to shut her stupid mouth.
- On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being about as possible as Beth still being alive on TWD and 10 being absolutely certain, what’s the likelihood that Strand is actually planning to take all of you to his magic Baja house?
Strand is no dummy, that much is clear. Whatever his true plans are he at least knew he needed other people to survive. I have a few wild theories about heading south but even more unanswered questions. His means are considerable, so my suspicions in relation to the origin of his income and level of apocalypse preparedness are high. Was he a paranoid Hollywood power player or high up in the pecking order of a drug cartel? As a member of the working class I find it hard to believe you can be a mogul without being a little bit criminal. I’m grateful that Strand’s given us a chance at survival but if he doesn’t keep his word he’ll be the one in danger. I’m not going to underestimate him and he’d be wise to not underestimate me. You don’t poke the Mama Bear.
Want more Madison? Hell yes, you do.
@MadisonClarkTWD tweets along with an equally hilarious and talented cast of characters during the episode. You can follow them all at @NickDamnClark, @_Alicia_Clark_, @TravisManawaTWD, @UrbanePlutocrat, @SnarkyTobias and @DrBethanyExner.