7 Things the Walking Dead Has Ruined Forever

7 Things the Walking Dead Has Ruined Forever

Bicycle Girl laments the many things that The Walking Dead has ruined for her forever and ever (and ever).

FACT: This meme is accurate.

 

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The Walking Dead being gone until February sucks a little joy out of the holiday season. But that’s not the only thing that the show has ruined! Here are some other things that just aren’t the same after TWD.

 

 

  1. Baseball

 

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Take yourself out to the ball game.

 

At least the bats. And if you guys don’t read the comics and don’t know what I’m talking about–you will. Oh, you will.

 

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You’re all going to meet this friendly fuck soon enough

 


 

 

  1. Aquariums

 

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Aquariums are for fish, you sickos!

 

I’m still okay at the zoo, but I’m not staying in anybody’s house if they have a wall of aquariums and an easy chair facing them. If they have an eyepatch on, I’m calling the police and making sure I can reach the pliers (unlike Andrea)! Call me ichthyophobic if you will!

 

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I’m pretty sure some of those guys in there are my cousins.

 


 

 

  1. Revolving Doors

 

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Nope.

 

Revolving doors are sort of ridiculous to begin with. I get that they’re meant to keep people moving freely in and out of buildings and control indoor temperatures. Yeah, yeah. I don’t need the revolving door manufacturer’s association sending me messages–I just don’t think I’ve ever seen a place where there were more than 2 people using a revolving door at one time.

 

Oh yes, that’s right. I have seen that–Noah, Glenn, Nicholas and like a million walkers. I’ll pass on your turning door of death and go out the side.

Tyler James Williams as Noah - The Walking Dead _ Season 5, Episode 14 - Photo Credit: Gene Page/AMC  [Via MerlinFTP Drop]

Even the walkers don’t seem real thrilled about being in a revolving door


 

  1. The Word “Claimed”

 

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It doesn’t matter if it’s being said by a 90-year-old woman in support hose, when I hear the word “claimed” now, I  go into fight or flight mode. Does someone want my rabbit? Have they been following me on the railroad tracks? Will I have to bite someone’s neck? It’s a terrifying experience.

 

Joe-Throat

This jugular vein has been claimed.

 


 

 

  1. Dumpsters

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Overhead obstacles my ass, it’s what can get under the dumpster that matters

 

After all of those weeks of worrying about Glenn, dumpsters aren’t just smelly places where rats live now. Oh no. Now, they make me twitch. And hearing that Steven Yeun had to spend 8 hours under one, I bet they make him twitch, too.

 

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Too traumatized to leave a funny comment here

 


 

 

  1. Flowers

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Flowers. What a romantic way to say ‘I want to murder you.’

 

 

Oh, you gave me long-stemmed roses for Valentine’s Day, did you? I’m not turning my back and looking at them while you stand behind me. Forget it. There’s nothing romantic about flowers now. Get the fuck out of here with those symbols of Carol’s willingness to kill and of poor dead kids.

 

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The face that launched a thousand memes and ruined a thousand anniversaries for Bicycle Girl

 


 

 

  1. Barbecues

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Happy 4th of July! Do you like Republican or Democrat on a skewer?

 

Maybe it’s just me, but I start giving the side eye to anybody smiling at me in front of a huge ass grill eagerly offering me a plate. I don’t know who that meat was before and I don’t care that it tastes like chicken.

 

And don’t get me started about those turkey legs you get at theme parks. All I see now are hundreds of Gareths with mouthfuls of Bob.

 

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Psst. Gareth. That’s tainted meat.

 

 

So what’s The Walking Dead ruined for you? Tell me in the “Comments” section, hit me up on Facebook or follow me on  Twitter and send me a tweet!

 

Who knows…it might help us get through the mid-season hiatus. Or not.

Bicycle Girl

Freelance writer from Pittsburgh. May or may not be a walker whose bicycle was stolen by Officer Friendly.

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